mummy and i had a talk.
and i guess i told her how i may be putting the furtherance of my education for masters on hold after i graduate.
i have been thinking about this for a long while now.

i guess i will be working my ass off after i graduate for 2 years. i got to earn enough money to be financially sound . i will have to ensure the material wellbeing for my parents while i am away. i guess such monetary compensation's the least i could do to alleviate the guilt of my absence .i dont know how long i will be away , but i am still doing my research on this now.

yeah .i have decided on this and i am glad mummy has no objections.

i will be packing off to UNICEF as a volunteer . i have got no interest in pursuing masters to work in the avant garde offices of unicef, bound only by the cold sterile office environnent feeling helpless with all the tangible documentations of sufferings.neither do i want to be embroiled in mindless political antics and sanctions to fight ad infinitum for children whose leaders care for nothing but their pockets.

mum questioned me about the possibilities of my marriage,family and financial commitments.it's an unknown , of which i have no answers to either.But,at least for now,i am certain , that it would be a long while to come before i can embrace such social relationships the way that i did before.it's of anyone's choice on how they want to seek fulfillments and that, will be where i derive my kind of fulfillment,my kind of self worth. Being able to know what you can do for others and to give yourself up to those who needs you.

i dont know. i have never felt more alive making this concious decision. for my whole life now, it seems as if i am living someone else's life,oppressed and tired.

its enough.

i want to live my dream . i want to live my life . i want to live A LIFE.

i want to make a difference, no matter how ineffectual my efforts be.
i just want to be there , to see the world,to feel every one else's pain but mine. to know what's real oppression , to know what's poverty , to know what's pain, as real as it can get. shared pain, is halved pain. shared joy, is double joy.

for all the times that i am undeserving to possess what i have/had, i will give it up all;just to see the world for a moment.

i will give what i have to offer, from within,and from the very two hands, that god blessed me with. those two hands of man, they are destined to changed lives, not just for our mindless pursuit of material needs and skin deep superficiality.

i will scorn and mock at society's commercial idealism,malevolence and ignorance of the real world out there.


i want to breathe,feel and taste REALITY.

for once, it doesnt seem scary to be alone anymore.


for the world is me , and i am the world.