[time : 11.31 am]



















had the worse diarrhoea ever and now all i am is just one limp wasted mess on the couch.
i am beginning to like the privacy of this blog and how noone but me knows of its existance?
i couldnt sleep last night, not as if the diarrhoea wasnt keeping me up already, but i guess there were just so many things that were on my mind?

-i was just wondering how my relationship with dad soured over the years ? ( apparently , to my uncles, dad was like my bestfriend when i was alot younger and how i wouldnt go anywhere without him?) but for as long as donkeys can remember , even at the tender age of 4, i dont remember me liking him very much already?

-and motherhen invited me over on sat ?i am apprehensive and ambivalent about it. i dont know if i should go? i cant bear to disappoint her but i dont think sal will want to see me? he didnt sound as if he was alright with everything. and it's his 21st birthday weekend. i dont know if if i should get him a gift and even then what am i supposed to buy.
then again, maybe i am reading too much into everything.
he would have moved on by now, so would his family.
maybe it would be better if i pop by during weekdays when he isnt around?
maybe it would be better for both of us.
but then again there are certain things that aint within your control and concious decisions and efforts are just ineffectual.

-and it's zouk on friday again. but this time round it's with mich and her classmates from sch? then maybe mos on saturday with chow and company? i dont know. sometimes it seems as if i am running away from something? and everything else is just to distract me so i wouldnt dwell too much?



- then again maybe i should stop being the worrywart that i always am.

i wish i can talk to someone.


happy hari raya puasa to selatmat sim household, rightie, jamiel, and mypeejayceegirls.


tata.