[time : 10.32am]
[song : snow patrol - chasing cars ]
[accompaniment : shadows and walls. ]


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this. a private affair. a seclusive realm where no one but me holds the reign to the emotions and thoughts of every letter and full stop imprinted .

where i immerse in every moment of self, of me being the only one breathing and living.

i looked myself in the mirror long enough for the first time in a long while, to realise how wilted of a being i looked.

i was afraid of what was becoming of me, afraid of how the negativities are taking control over me.

i saw eyes that i didnt recognise.

then i read my archives. archives of late last year and early this year.

then i came across this journal dated 10.12.05

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Time fleeted by and like a goddess with that fiery temperament, it mercilessly robbed us of what we always knew and what we had.No doubt, it did left us battered and weary for a while, but it's also with time, that we saw the light through the shrouding darkness.We saw the ones who stayed with us ,and held our trembling souls, and the ones who left and never turned back.

It's also very often that you would look back on the photos,the journals, the letters that were written by you and your loved ones, and those were the moments that you knew why you were still there holding on. They cared, and that kept you inspirited. They loved, and that kept you strong.

Time insidiously also became that multi-faceted mirror that callously showed the different facets of you, your life, and what you have become. The days could go by , and you wouldnt realise that you have become someone that you never did know.Perhaps, you might also be living in another realm ,where time has been put on hold, and you would be seeing the people that you care metamorphose to the butterfly, that leaves you.

It's amazing how time flies, i am 20 now, and i have been with gun for 2 years, sharon and leong for 7 years, zhong for 5 years. It has been a long time since i last felt so at peace with myself. The serenity and the tranquility within feels so surreal.

i was living. breathing and feeling with the world. the awareness of being in tuned with everything else each and every passing second.

what happened. just what fucking happened.