alright.


"world trade center" was just compelling. if you ask me, i can just sit through and watch a thousand times over and just let myself fully immerse in the pain, in the pain of others that is. Because i may lack the faith and strength to pick myself up , i refuse to acknowledge my very own pain. Because i may not love myself enough to tell myself it's okaye to be hurting, i will rather deny and assign all that to oblivion and obscurity. Because there are others who lost so much more , i cannot allow myself to delve further into this never ending vortex of self pity.

i cried like a dumb fuck yesterday, in the darkness and in the shadows of others, so no one would see, no one would know. some of the scenes momentously became eidetic flashes of the past.

my friends tell me that
i didnt lose him when i never did own him.
i didnt lose myself when i never did have anything to lose .

i only lost the liberty to love at will. that's all. ( as if that isnt fucked up enough.)





"pain is your friend.it lets you know you are alive."