had another relapse last night.
and mum thought it was a heart attack and wanted to send me to the hospital .
but i didnt want to go.


it will be a slow innocuous incidental suicide.


the thought of no longer having to feel everything and being able to leave it all behind is too enticing.
it makes no difference when i have been feeling dead for so long already.




these lacerations of truth on the cadavers of the heart.
i miss knowing what it's like to smile in the mornings.